When someone hears the word co-parenting, it often sounds quite hopeful. Like a team project. A shared mission. Two adults working together to raise a child, even if they’re no longer in a romantic relationship. In theory, it’s wholesome. In reality? Co-parenting can sometimes feel like trying to coordinate a three-legged race with someone who insists on hopping.

Whether the separation was amicable, difficult or somewhere in between, navigating co-parenting is rarely straightforward. And while there’s plenty of surface-level advice out there (“Always put the child first!” “Keep things respectful!”), there are many aspects that go unspoken — the parts that show up at 9pm on a Tuesday when one parent is folding school uniform and wondering if anyone else finds it this hard.

Here are some of the things many single parents wish they’d known about co-parenting — the honest, less-polished version that often gets left out of parenting books and polite conversation.

1. Co-parenting doesn’t always mean 50/50 — and that’s OK

There’s a common assumption that co-parenting equals a perfect split. One week on, one week off. Equal time, equal input, equal emotional labour. But in reality, that’s not how it works for many families.

Sometimes one parent ends up doing more, whether by choice, necessity or circumstance. That might be because of work schedules, distance, court orders or simply capacity. And while fairness might be the goal, it’s not always the outcome — and that doesn’t mean it’s a failure.

What matters is finding an arrangement that works for the child and allows the primary carer to function without burning out. That may not be 50/50, and that’s completely valid.

2. Communication can be harder than when the couple was together

There’s a strange myth that once a relationship ends, communication becomes easier. But for many co-parents, even simple requests like “Can we swap Thursday?” can carry emotional weight or spark conflict.

Co-parenting means staying connected — through texts, calendars, emails or apps — but without the buffer of affection or shared goals that may have softened conversations before. It can feel transactional, formal or even tense.

Using structured communication tools like amicable can help keep things focused and respectful. And it’s worth remembering that not every message needs an immediate reply. Taking a pause can be a powerful thing.

3. There’s often grief, even when separation was the right decision

Even when a breakup was necessary — even when it was clearly for the best — it’s still common for parents to grieve the family they imagined having.

There can be moments of sadness, guilt or even loneliness, especially when children head off to the other parent’s home for the weekend. Packing a bag and saying goodbye, even temporarily, can stir up a complex mix of emotions.

This is a natural part of the adjustment period. Trust takes time to build in new circumstances, and so does confidence in one's solo identity as a parent.

4. The mental load doesn’t always get divided fairly

Even in situations where time is split relatively evenly, the mental load often isn't. One parent may find themselves in charge of remembering school trips, organising childcare, buying birthday presents and signing consent forms — all while the other breezes through the week without needing to check the calendar.

It’s a common frustration. Clear expectations and boundaries can help, though they’re not always easy to establish. But recognising and naming the imbalance is often the first step toward change.

5. The co-parenting relationship will continue to evolve

Some former couples manage to become close friends. Others keep communication minimal and practical. But however it looks, the co-parenting dynamic won’t stay static.

New partners may appear. Emotions will shift. Life events — big and small — will shape the way parents relate to each other. Some changes might feel positive. Others might stir up old tensions.

The key is consistency. Children benefit most from a steady, secure foundation, even if that foundation is made up of separate households and separate lives.

6. Most single parents are doing better than they think

There will be days when it all feels too much — when schedules clash, communication breaks down or the emotional toll feels too heavy. But if a parent is showing up, trying their best and prioritising their child’s wellbeing, they are doing brilliantly.

Co-parenting is rarely simple. It’s full of compromise, complexity and occasional chaos. But no one has to do it alone.

The Frolo community is full of people navigating similar experiences — offering support, understanding and a shared sense of humour through it all. Whether it’s chatting in the app, joining our co-parenting group chat or simply reading stories like this one, every connection can help lighten the load.

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