When you think about your to-do list as a single parent, it probably includes things like paying the bills, getting dinner on the table, and making sure the school shoes still fit. But then there’s the other list - the one that rarely gets written down, yet takes up just as much energy (sometimes more). The invisible to-do list.

This includes things like remembering to book the dentist, planning meals around picky eaters, keeping track of birthdays, managing your child’s emotions, and making sure there are clean PE kits ready on the right day. It’s the constant hum in the back of your brain, and it can be exhausting.

If you’re not careful, carrying both the visible and invisible lists can lead to burnout. Here’s how to spot the signs, protect your energy, and find ways to lighten the load.

What is the invisible to-do list?

The invisible to-do list is all the unseen mental and emotional work that keeps family life running. It’s rarely shared equally between co-parents, and for solo parents it can feel endless. It covers:

• Mental load – holding everyone’s schedules, deadlines, and needs in your head.
• Emotional labour – soothing worries, regulating moods, and managing behaviour.
• Anticipation work – thinking ahead to what might be needed (packing for a trip, preparing for school events).
• Logistical juggling – coordinating childcare, playdates, after-school clubs, and work commitments.

Because it’s invisible, it often goes unrecognised - but the strain is very real.

Spotting the signs of burnout

Burnout isn’t just about being tired; it’s about being completely depleted. Common signs include:

• Feeling permanently drained, even after resting.
• Snapping or feeling irritable over small things.
• Struggling to concentrate or make decisions.
• Losing interest in things you normally enjoy.
• Feeling like you’re running on autopilot rather than being present.

Awareness always comes first. Noticing these signs early gives you the chance to pause and reset before burnout takes over.

Protecting your energy

As Tess Milton, a certified confidence coach and NLP practitioner, explains: “Your energy is a finite resource.” That means protecting it is essential, not selfish. Some practical ways to do this include:

• Simplify where possible – Instead of cooking every night, plan a few “easy wins” meals (batch cook pasta sauce, freezer-friendly dishes, or even cereal-for-dinner nights).
• Outsource where you can – Use online grocery deliveries, swap childcare with another parent, or ask family for support.
• Build micro-breaks into your day – Even five minutes of calm while your child is watching TV or reading can help reset your nervous system.
• Guard your boundaries – It’s okay to say no to extra commitments if they drain you more than they bring joy.

Shifting focus to what you can control

When you’re juggling so much, it’s easy to focus on everything that’s outside your control - your ex’s behaviour, school demands, workplace pressures. But shifting attention to what is within your control is far more empowering. Ask yourself:

• What’s one thing I can do today to make tomorrow easier?
• Which tasks actually need doing now, and which can wait?
• What feels important to me and my child, and what’s just “noise”?

This reframing reduces overwhelm and helps you feel more grounded.

The role of kindness (to yourself)

Many single parents put huge pressure on themselves to “do it all”. But the truth is, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Showing yourself kindness might mean lowering your standards in some areas (the house doesn’t always need to be spotless), or it could mean giving yourself permission to rest without guilt.

Remember: good enough is often more than enough.

Practical resources for avoiding burnout

Here are some useful tools and supports you can lean on:

• Mindset and resilience apps – Try Headspace, Calm, or Insight Timer for short meditations and breathing exercises.
• Time management tools – Apps like Trello or Todoist can help you get your invisible list out of your head and onto “paper.”
• Support networks – The Frolo App connects you with other single parents who understand the unique challenges, so you don’t have to carry the load alone.
• Professional help – Therapists, coaches, or support workers can offer guidance if you’re feeling persistently overwhelmed.

Final thoughts

The invisible to-do list can feel heavy, but it doesn’t have to define your solo parenting journey. By recognising the hidden work you’re carrying, protecting your energy, and showing yourself compassion, you can avoid burnout and feel more in control.

And remember, you don’t have to do it all on your own.

👉 Download the Frolo app to connect with like-minded single parents, share the load, and get support from a community that truly gets it.

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