Dating as a single parent can involve a surprising amount of project management. Before you’ve even considered whether you fancy someone, you may need to establish when you’re both free, whether you have childcare, how late you can stay out, who is doing the school run and whether spending £25 on a babysitter for a date with somebody whose main hobby appears to be ‘going with the flow’ represents a sensible investment.

It’s perhaps not surprising, then, that when we asked the Frolo community, ‘How do you find time to date as a single parent?’, plenty of people had the same initial response: you don’t find time. You have to make it.

That sounds straightforward until you consider how little genuinely discretionary time many single parents have. Work, children, housework and life admin expand to fill the week, while child-free time – for those who have it – can already be earmarked for everything from seeing friends to staring peacefully at a wall.

So how are single parents actually supposed to fit dating in?

Child-free time is precious

For separated parents whose children regularly spend time with their other parent, there can be a temptation to think of those hours as obvious dating opportunities. In reality, they may be anything but.

‘My ex has the kids every other weekend, but that doesn’t mean I want to spend every other Saturday dating,’ one parent told us. ‘Sometimes I want to see my friends. Sometimes I want to clean the house without anyone immediately making it dirty again. Sometimes I want to watch three episodes of something unsuitable for children and go to bed at nine.’

It’s an important point. Dating may be something you want to make space for, but it doesn’t automatically have first claim on your free time.

There’s also a pressure peculiar to limited availability. When you only have one or two child-free evenings a fortnight, a disappointing date can feel disproportionately annoying. You haven’t just lost two hours to a man explaining cryptocurrency to you; you’ve lost 50% of this month’s social life.

Some parents told us this made them more selective. Longer conversations before meeting, a quick phone call or video chat and being clearer about what they were looking for helped them avoid dates that were obviously going nowhere. It may lack the spontaneity of bumping into a handsome stranger in a bookshop, but efficiency has its charms.

What if you don't have regular childcare?

Of course, the idea of ‘child-free weekends’ assumes something that many single parents simply don’t have.

Some parents have their children all or almost all of the time. Others have co-parents whose contact is irregular, live far away or aren’t involved at all. In those circumstances, dating can become considerably more complicated.

‘I have my daughter 100% of the time,’ one parent told us. ‘People say, “Just get a babysitter,” as though babysitters are free and readily available and I have an army of trusted people desperate to give up their Friday nights.’

For parents in this position, flexibility can be more useful than waiting for the mythical free Saturday night. A coffee during a lunch break, a walk while the children are at an activity or an early evening drink when a grandparent is available might not fit the traditional idea of a date, but perhaps that’s no bad thing.

There is no rule that romance has to happen over dinner at 8pm.

The childcare question

Babysitters are an obvious solution, but they introduce another question: at what point is somebody worth paying to meet?

One parent had developed her own system. ‘First date is coffee while the kids are at school,’ she said. ‘I’m not paying £40 for childcare until I know I actually like you.’ Another relied on what she called ‘babysitting swaps’ with a single-parent friend. She would have both sets of children one evening and her friend would return the favour another time, giving them each an occasional night out without the cost of formal childcare.

It’s the kind of practical arrangement that illustrates why a network of other single parents can be so valuable. The support doesn’t necessarily have to involve childcare either. Having people who understand the logistics means you’re less likely to feel apologetic about suggesting Tuesday lunchtime rather than Saturday night.

Not everyone gets to be spontaneous

Dating advice often makes much of spontaneity: say yes to invitations, be open to adventure, see where the night takes you. This is considerably easier when nobody needs you home by 10.30pm because the babysitter has GCSEs in the morning.

‘I used to worry that people would think I wasn’t interested because I could never meet at short notice,’ one parent said. ‘Now I just tell them upfront that I’m a parent and my time needs planning. If they find that annoying, we’re probably not going to work anyway.’

Perhaps that is one of the unexpected advantages of dating as a single parent. Practical constraints can act as a useful filter. Someone who sulks because you can’t drop everything for a last-minute drink may not be ideally suited to a relationship in which children will continue to have stomach bugs, school plays and inconveniently timed inset days.

Dating doesn't have to become another job

When time is limited, dating apps can easily start to feel like another item on the weekly admin list. Reply to emails, order school shoes, put washing on, swipe through 37 profiles. It’s fine to stop.

Several parents told us they dated in bursts, downloading an app when they felt curious or optimistic and deleting it when it began to feel like work. Others deliberately limited the amount of time they spent messaging, or concentrated on talking to one or two people rather than trying to maintain multiple conversations.

‘I used to feel like I should be making the most of every child-free weekend,’ one parent said. ‘Then I realised I was turning dating into homework. Now I only do it when it sounds more appealing than staying home.’

That seems a useful benchmark.

Making space for yourself

There can be something uncomfortable about prioritising dating as a single parent, particularly when your time already feels stretched. Parents can feel guilty about leaving their children with a babysitter or using precious free time on something that might not lead anywhere.

But dating doesn’t have to be justified by eventually producing a serious relationship. An evening spent talking to another adult, wearing something that hasn’t been selected primarily for its resistance to yoghurt and remembering that you are a person outside parenthood can have value in itself.

Equally, there is no obligation to date simply because you are single. Your child-free time belongs to you, whether you spend it meeting somebody new, having dinner with friends or eating toast in bed. Perhaps, then, the trick isn’t really finding time to date. There probably isn’t a spare evening hiding somewhere between work, school pickups and the supermarket shop, waiting to be discovered.

It’s deciding whether dating is something you want to make room for right now – and, if it is, finding a version of it that fits the life you actually have.

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